unacquainted with myself
Journal Entry: Thu May 15, 2008, 4:26 AM
I've always being an awkward and unnatural child. I didn't start talking until I was a little past 4 years old. I started to read when I was 4 and half.I wasn't very talkitive. I only went to friend's houses if I was invited ,but otherwise I was the least interested in visiting people. My close friends included people of the elderly or people I knew since I was two.
As a teenager I feel that my weird attitude and traits have followed me, some still hiding and waiting for a loop hole. When I was 9 I started to notice that on a few occations that I saw the world in shapes with red outlines of squares, circles, triangles, rectangles, ovals and etc. I would see the 3d and 2d shapes where ever I looked. Of course this is just something that happens once in awhile. Not rare, but also not common.
In the 6th grade I was claimed anti-social or the conffirmed social aphobia. I was also very emotionally inept. I watch a lot of T.V. and so I pick up others' emotions to fill in my own blank ones. I have a little bit of emotions that I notice; depression, anxiety, bored, and fear. Otherwise I act on the hourly emotions. When I get a present I don't have an emotion for any happiness even though I might of really wanted it. When others are crying I know that i should be too, but I just don't feel sympathy or any normal emotions. I think about others' emotions and how do they come up with it on the spot.
In fact I think about everthing. I'm always thinking. Usually I can't pay attention to one thing because I'm thinking about too many things. It may seem that I'm witless because I usually have a blank stare that complements my silence.
I have hard times listening to others. I don't really listen to my teachers and they think I'm very odd because I don't listen, but I just go straight to work then when I'm finshed I go and write tons of thoughts in my composition note book. Most the time if I know an answer I don't say it or I say the opposite. My brain is just not use to telling answers. ( kind of like the proverb: ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.)I f I have to listen then I don't look at the speaker unless I'm comfortable with them. If I can't look, I write and doodle while they speak.
I know that I'm not the only one because no one is alone on emotions or habits. I just wonder if many think and do daily habits like me. Am I very strange , so much that I could be considered a freak?
- Mood:
Neutral - Listening to: shugo Tokumaru- la la radio
- Reading: poems, proverbs ,and non-fiction
- Drinking: arizona iced tea with lemon flavor
Devious Comments
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Ahhhhhhh Video game sun is twice as bright as regular sun!
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